Shit, Money, Love

I step into the elevator today and it reeks of fecal matter. How it comes to smell of shit in an elevator is anybody's guess. But a little while ago I ducked into the stairwell for a cigarette, and discovered a lovely clump of excrement. What with the bathroom no longer being serviced, people have resorted to shitting in increasingly inventive locations. In short order, the mall has become deserted, abandoned, and now, utterly desecrated. Good times.

Here's a few things that have been going on with me recently:

1) I've been helping a student revise some essays and movie scripts for his college applications. His name is Eric and he wants to be a film producer. This ambitious young fellow has already gotten a "sensible" degree to satisfy his mother, but he isn't satisfied with that. I don't think any amount of pragmatism could crush his youthful idealism. Now his mother has permitted him to study film - if he goes to school in the United States. My heart goes out to him.

Eric

This has afforded me the opportunity to practice my writing in new and interesting ways. Plus, he pays quite well - on the order of $50 to $200 for each paper. As an avid reader, it has long been my aspiration to be a paid writer. This may be a minor gig, but I am grateful for anything that takes me closer to my dreams.

2) I am no longer single. I've gotten into a relationship with another foreigner here. Her name is Linda. She's 11 years older than me, and variously Israeli, Romanian and Canadian. It's quite a combination. She's a real spitfire, and odder than a three-footed pickle. I'm not sure what the attraction is - that itself is part of the attraction. After all, the one thing I cannot stand is being bored. With her, I never am. You may congratulate me if you want, but it's not necessary. After all, I haven't really "done" anything - except her.

Guess which one is Linda

I take consolation in being in a relationship that no one would understand. How could they, when I don't understand it myself! But that means I'm doing something right. You only live once, so you have to make damn sure you use your time well. Do something different. Do something special. Take on every challenge that comes your way. Because that's the only way to be sure you'll be remembered.

A final note. Whatever you feel, just feel it. If you feel mad, be mad. But don't be mad that you're mad. If you're glad, be glad. But don't be glad that you're glad. This may seem like a minor point, but it carries the greatest weight. The quickest way to get yourself nowhere is to start feeling about your feelings, or thinking about your thoughts. Ironically, the motive behind such movements is the desire for self-awareness. It is obvious how I feel. It is obvious what I think. I know these things, and cannot not know them. But why do I feel that way? Should I feel otherwise?

These things are less obvious. But this manner of introspection is incredibly dangerous. It results in an endless mirroring, where feeling is reflected back upon feeling, and thought upon thought. At the end, you nothing is learned, and all clarity in thought and feeling is lost. One's mind and heart become so clouded that it becomes nearly impossible to dig oneself out of recursion.

Just as with a hall of mirrors, a little light is lost with every degree of removal. Everything is brightest at the source, before any reflection has occurred. There is no greater clarity than feeling just what you feel, no more. If you must reflect, do so with a calm mind and a disinterested heart. If you cannot, don't torture yourself with emotional recursion. You'll regret it if you do.

Expect few updates

I have resolved to devote my creative energies toward completing the book of philosophy I have been working on intermittently for 6 years. For that reason, this blog will continue to be neglected. As a consolation, here are some pictures.

My dad came to Beijing for one week in October, so we saw some of the sights together.

The Beijing subway system gets pretty damn crowded. I have to deal with it on the daily.

Some pictures from the Halloween party at First Leap.

Some of the people I work with. On the right, Selina; on the left, Pippo.